Like a baby staring at its mother

Another year in Kindergarten means another group of kids who need to get comfortable using the school bathroom. So far, we have had some successes and some “works in progress”. But some kids still just are not ready to try. That means that a few of my youngest students are in pull-ups. I have an unusually young group of students. I had the highest number of 3-year-olds on the first day of school that I have ever had. There are some good things about that. Some of them are absolutely adorable. And, with them being so young, I feel better about whatever progress and achievements they make at school.

I have a great job, really. But it requires a certain tolerance to noise and busy-ness. I think that I have always had that ability. I know that I can sit in a busy bus station, train station or airport and pray/meditate with peace of mind. Maybe it comes from growing up as the youngest of four children all born within a 4.5 year window. I think that I find it deeply reassuring to be in busy places with lots of people around. It is like, “A piano can’t fall on ALL of us.”

I think that I also have a lot of empathy, which helps me to not only do my job, but to derive satisfaction from it. I feel bad for the kids who are afraid to use the bathroom. And, if I can get them into that habit, I feel like I have done something really good. To be honest, it feels better to help a kid avoid peeing their pants then it does to help them print the letter A properly.

One of my little guys this year was quite hesitant about using the bathroom. Whenever I asked him if he needed to go, he would shake his head to say no. But he was having frequent accidents. (I can write this without worrying about privacy rights because I could actually be writing about any of a number of my students! Lol) So I started taking him to the bathroom. I helped him the first time or two. After that I just guided him to the door. But he wouldn’t come out on his own when he was finished. He waited for me to let him out. It broke my heart one day to find that he had been waiting in there for 10 minutes before I came back and found him. I talked to him about coming out on his own. Now I can just tell him to go and he goes. Soon I won’t even have to do that. That is a success, in my eyes. But still, just because the pee problem is solved doesn’t mean that it is all smooth sailing. There is a second part about going to the bathroom, often called “number 2.” We still haven’t solved that problem yet. I had to change his poopy butt once this week. But I had to change two others as well, from other students.

That is one of the reasons that I am considering leaving Kindergarten next year. I have a baby at home, and I want to stay healthy to take care of him. I don’t want to be giving him all the viruses that I get exposed to. Last year I got severe pneumonia which I am still recovering from. The year before that I got worms. I risk that every time I change a poopy butt. (The worms’ eggs are so tiny that they get picked up in the air and can be inhaled and then make their way to your intestines!)

So, maybe one day I will no longer be the Kindergarten monk. That would be a big loss for all 8 of my readers! (Who I do appreciate very much. Really. Please email me or something if you want me to write about a certain topic or question!)

I would miss Kindergarten. That is for sure. My Guru said that children are the closest to God. He didn’t mean that they are dearest to God. He meant that they are the most like God. He said that when babies are flailing around and being a baby, it is the Holy Spirit, or the energy of God at work in their bodies. It is not yet their ego consciousness. Babies are the most natural. They are as they are created. And they are created by God, with his breath of life within them.

I love our baby. I can’t say “my baby” because he belongs to both my wife and I, and she does more of the work than I do. But I do spend a lot of time with him. I take him as much as I can, to give my wife a break and let her do what she needs to do. We have a good system going and she seems to be doing well. I am burning out, for sure. But things should get easier both at home and at work. So, I will survive.

One of my favourite things is when the baby stares at his mom, my wife. Sometimes she sits beside me when I am holding him, and he just stares at her. When I watch him stare at her, I understand how babies are closest to God. He isn’t hankering after other things. He doesn’t need TV or a smartphone. He can just stare at her and be at peace. He is not restless. I think that God is like that with us. He can just stare at us. Think about it: If we believe him to be omniscient, he has to be aware of everything that we are doing. That idea freaks a lot of people out. Their pride and shame make them reject the whole idea of God. Nobody likes to be judged. But I don’t think that God is judging us. I think he is watching, yes, but without judgement.

This is a hard time to be alive. In some ways everything is easy and comfortable. But it is hard to feel like one is doing a good job of being a human being. We often waste days, weeks, months, or years on idle distractions. We might feel like failures in many ways. Maybe we wasted our health? Maybe we treated loved ones badly? There are a million and one reasons to feel regret in life. But when I watch my baby looking at my wife, I know that is how God looks at us. He sees it all and understands it all. It is all natural. It is all part of the process. However you want to understand it, either through a lens of Christianity or Eastern spirituality, the world is created by God and it is his energy at work in it. My wife and our son are bonded to each other. They are one, in some ways. That baby cannot judge his mother, nor can she judge him. There is only love. We need to remember that we can have the same type of relationship with God. The baby isn’t scrutinizing as he looks at his mom. He is just looking at her because she is his whole world. It makes me think of creation: the whole world that God created out of his own free will, but which was not complete until he created us. Maybe we are God’s whole world?