It is better to do my own job poorly than to try to do another man’s job well.

Well, we are just a bit over a week into the school year and I am finding myself seriously considering other careers. But I do that every September. The beginning of the year in Kindergarten is wild. This year my school saw a huge increase in enrollment. That meant that we had an enormous amount of JK students AND a lot of SK students who were new to the school. For the first few days we were preoccupied just trying to figure out who was who and making sure that they were in the right class.

It seems to me that the JKs get younger every year. That would be impossible, ofcourse. But it is possible that each incoming class is less developed than the last, on average. I don’t know if it is due to COVID or parenting trends (I think that some kinds have never heard the word “no” before.) Or I could be imagining it. I get used to how kids are at the end of the school year, and I forget what they were like at the beginning. Every September I get a new class that is a year younger than the class I was teaching just a few months prior.

The beginning of the school year also brings the return of crushing teacher guilt. I am back in the French immersion program so, once again, I have all the guilt about not speaking enough French with the kids. But that is only part of it. I have more experienced (and maybe more enthusiastic) colleagues who seem to do so much more for the kids than I do.

Summer was great, I could say to people, “I’m a Kindergarten teacher” without having to deal with any of the responsibility that that entails.

I do not think that I will actually change jobs though. I am reminded of something that I read not too long ago, in a translation of the Bhagavad Gita. If you don’t know what that is, well, I can only help you so much. It is a scripture from India which is a dialogue between Krishna (An incarnation of God) and one of his best friends and disciples, a warrior prince named Arjuna. The conversation happens in the middle of a great story called the Mahabharat, one of the most well known stories in India. I doubt that you would find a Hindu anywhere in the world who doesn’t know the story. I won’t get into the whole thing here, but it is worth reading. Anyway, at a certain point in the story, Arjuna, his brothers, and a vast army of supporters are facing off against an army led by his cousins and many of the people Arjuna grew up with. There had been a dispute over the rights to the Kingdom, and Arjuna and his brothers had been cheated out of their rights by their envious cousin. Arjuna and his brothers tried to avoid any violent conflict, but in the end the forces of fate brough them into battle with each other. Arjuna was the world’s greatest warrior and was essentially invincible. He did not want to go into battle with his extended family members because he knew that he was likely to kill them. He thought that it would be better to back down and go and live as a monk in the forest than commit such a sin. Krisha was acting as his charioteer (because he had refused to fight in the battle) and, when Arjuna lost heart, he spoke to him at length to try to reassure him and embolden him for battle. The text of that conversation is the Bhagavad Gita, and it is very much worth reading. In it, Krisha talks about all matters of life. He begins by addressing Arjuna’s doubts about the merits of fighting. But in the course of their conversation, Krishna talks about life, death, karma, destiny, free will, duty, and just about everything else. If you are wondering how an incarnation of God could endorse war, Krishna explained that none of the warriors on either side would really die, as their souls were all immortal. But it was important for Arjuna to fight to uphold righteousness in the world so that people would not be tempted to take advantage of others.

I have read the Mahabharata many times. I have three different translations of it. And my wife bought me a small pocket-sized Bhagavad Gita as a stocking stuffer for Christmas. One day I happened to flip it open, and I stumbled upon a line that said “It is better to do one’s own job poorly than another’s job well.”

What? The point is that we should accept our God given duties and try our best, even if we feel like we are not doing a good job at them. We shouldn’t go looking for another job that we think we can do better. It applies to things like parenting. Maybe some people feel like they are doing a terrible job as a parent, and so they wish that they could only have their child half the time because they think they could do a better job of that.

In my case, it means that it is better for me to just make peace with being a crappy Kindergarten teacher instead of trying to find an easier job that I think I would be better at. Sometimes life isn’t about being good at things. Sometimes the point is to struggle. God’s plan isn’t for us all to be awesome at what we do. God’s plan is for us to grow and change through the struggle. It’s about the process, not the product.

All of that being said, I should also try to reassure myself that I am not doing as bad a job as I think I am. We never are. That goes for you, too, if there is actually anyone reading this.

Part of my critique of myself as a Kindergarten teacher is that I never have a lot of fun, interesting, or educational activities planned for the kids. I don’t know if I am just lazy. I think the bigger problem is that I am just disinterested. I have tried too many times to make kids do certain activities certain ways. Whether it was an activity that I planned, or someone else’s activity, I have sat there, called students over, and forced them to do things exactly the “right” way. It is a frustrating process for all involved. I am at a point now where I just don’t see the point in that. I have some fun and engaging materials in my classroom. When I see the kids engaging with the materials, I can’t think of anything that I would make them do that would be better than what they are already doing. I don’t see how my thoughts are better than theirs. Sure, I am more developed than they are. I am a smart guy. But they are where they are at. They can only think and do exactly what they are capable of thinking and doing. And, by doing that, they are already pushing their limits and making new neuro pathways.

We have some academic instructional time during the day. I do some lessons and activities. But much of the time is spent playing. Other teachers seem better prepared for that time. They have all kinds of stuff set up. I usually don’t. But when I look around at what the kids are doing, I am usually happy with what I see. They are usually engaged, and they are saying and doing interesting things. Why should I stop them and make them do something that I want them to do? I am not so high and mighty.

I think that is how God is. He doesn’t enforce much on us. He lets us figure things out and learn from our own successes and failures. (We learn best from failure, BTW.)

I am very tired. The first couple of weeks are always rough. And I have a baby at home. I’m cutting this one short and going to bed. I need to be rested for the morning. I am a Kindergarten teacher, after all, not a spirituality writer. I am better off doing my own job poorly than trying to do someone else’s job well.